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Surnderd2Him
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Name: Jolene
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Los Angeles
Birthday: 2/20/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: My Father in Heaven. Long intimate conversations with people. Dancing with the girls. Meeting incredibly unique people and being friends with them. Listening to people. Knowing what I am taking about. Being loved by someone, or sometwo. Knowing that I impact someone's life. Being and hearing that I am a good friend.
Expertise: Procrastinating, sleeping and working on my BSW @APU
Occupation: Librarian Assistant
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  jhannan87
MSN: Surnderd2him
Yahoo:  jolene_hannan
Member Since:
9/29/2005
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| Truth is, I haven't cried like I did when Ty and I broke up. Weeks later and I am still dead sad while I remember everything. I have felt a more powerful kind of love before... and I didn't even cry like this when it was gone. There was something about Tyler that I absolutely love. I cannot put my finger on it.
He insisted that the connection was lost. He flew down here to be with me for the weekend--a weekend that I felt nothing but love and joy--and told me days later that he just didn't feel it with me any longer. Okay, fine. But why did I?
I feel like that since Ty got into the bad car accident he has lost much of his independence and self control. He no longer had a car of his own or a license that he could use to drive any one elses'. He lost much mobility, gained weight, and felt shamed by a DUI and the restrictions it placed on his ability. He suddenly felt purposeless and shot down. And instead of inviting me into this struggle, he shut me out. Tyler felt like he couldn't take care of himself... so why take care of me. If he was able to control anything at that time, it was the status of our relationship and who I was to him. So, he broke it off with me.... "no connection" and somehow thought I didn't feel one too.
I loved the hell outta that kid that weekend. I loved him like crazy. No connection my ass.
Sometimes I feel like I love too hard. I love too strong. I love too much.
I thought, surely he will realize what he is missing out on.... but he hasn't. He just wants his stuff and wants it all to be behind him.
It's interesting that while he was independent he was able to successfully hold a girlfriend. But once he had to start losing his self control and gaining the help and support of others in order to live, he couldn't find that "connection" with his supposed love. I hardly understand this concept. And I wish he still loved me. I do. But not just when it's convenient for him.
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| We break up. ...Tyler and I broke up. | | |
| - Why don't I have a dad. I WISH I could have what my other girlfriends have... a daddy. When I imagine a relationship with an olderman like that of a "father" I don't imagine love, I imagine perverted, drug abusing, sexists. I wish I had a daddy. I don't think I have ever called anyone daddy...
- It looks like I will get to see my boyfriend once a month for just a weekend. That bothers me. If I love him but need his nearness, is it worth breaking up over?
- I, for once in my entire life, was able to pay rent with a little left over in the bank. God is so good.
- With the help of my roommates and one of their boyfriends, we revived my dead laptop. It MIGHT completly rise from the dead with the new stick of RAM I purchased. If that is the case, Tyler will return the laptop he just bought for me and put that money toward getting a car.
- It feels wonderful, PERFECT, not having to go to school or worry about papers... that type of stress reduced my life by many years. I guarentee it. I am living now!
- I have borrowed some money from my best friend. She cancled my debts. I only owe her $35 now. Yay!
- I found a great dress for the Marine Corps Ball. I was looking for red, but we found this white ad cold strapless classic looking dress. It's lovely and looks great on me. I wanted to veer from white because.. well a white dress is too special of a dress for the Marine Birthday. But it's a gorgeous dress.
- The Ball might be the next time I get to see my love. :(
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| What is it about me that ERKS to fall in love with THE ONE and get the dang job done! I want to settle down so bad and I do not know why. What is it about marriage that I am so impatient to experience? Why does every single relationship need to be headed toward the wedding day? I am going to begin to pray that God settle my heart and remove my dream of marriage. Typing that brought tears to my eyes. | | |
| ...I am doing well.  
These are photos of the new room, so far:   
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I am also in a great three-month relationship with Tyler. He is flying down to see me early next month. He got into a very bad car accident early August and is still in recovery from a twice-broken back and other comparitively minor injuries. Though still in pain, he is in a normal progressive state of healing. Thanks be to God for sparing his life!!! -
My mom finally got a job after a LONG time of unemployment. Another PRAISE! -
Tyler invited me to the Marine Corps Ball (He is a Marine, obviously). It is in November and I can't stop dress browsing.. I have been looking for something red and satiny...This is the best dress I have found for my price range: -
 This particular color will look better with my hair and complexion than a bright, true red. I found this on Amazon.com. After a good dry cleaning, I can sell it right back. I'm sure one day I will do the same with my wedding dress. -
I am also in the process of building a pond for my turtle in the patio. Unfortunatly I was digging and was held up by stupid supposid leaks, but nothing was punctured. I decided to build above-ground. Especailly to keep Kaylee, my roommate and best friend's puppy from jumping in. I am waiting to come across free cinder blocks on Craigslist.com. -
I have two new cracks in my windshield. One from driving back from Nor Cal, and the other from washing my car one morning and it cracked again, not more... but a new one. I can't afford to get a new one. I guess I am waiting for a cop to pull me over for it. | | |
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