| | But that doesn't take away the fact that I would love to settle down in life. I am a naturally tired person; depleated from energy. I don't have much of a desire to do more in life. I simply want to relax and settle down. I want an apartment of my own to make feel like home. I want to find a man who loves me and wants to be my husband just as much as I want to be his lovely wife and bride. I want to make my home "ours" and share finances, struggles, job issues, joys, and eventually children. I want to watch my baby grow older and be in awe everything that I could have the ability to bring a human being into this world; influenced and modeled by me and my husband. I want to make decisions with another mind and not only for myself. I want to sacrifice me for them. I want to be a lover. And I want a warm place to do so.
Please, listen. I know I am only 22. but I want more of my lfie with someone than without. A marriage will not hold me back, it brings me more. I am sharper with his strength. Sure, i would love to travel mor.. but why can't that be with my love? Why does everyone seem to think that is only possible as a single person? Jobs are still there, priorities and responsibilities aren't necessarily easier or harder in any situation. They are how you make it.
I want to miss him when he is away. I want to work through pain with someone. I want to face life, head on, with someone who cares about it.
Sometimes I get sad when I face the fact that Josh and I were talking about marriage like it was tomorrow. i broke up with him. And just Sunday I found out that he was making plans to propose at the airport... the airport that NOONE met me at after I spent months in Africa. I grew so selfish and wanted more of me and less of him. What was I thinking!? Someone loved me and I threw it away!
I want to love someone again and make plans... even if they are far off plans.
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| | Posted 5/26/2009 4:46 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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