| | Truth is, I haven't cried like I did when Ty and I broke up. Weeks later and I am still dead sad while I remember everything. I have felt a more powerful kind of love before... and I didn't even cry like this when it was gone. There was something about Tyler that I absolutely love. I cannot put my finger on it.
He insisted that the connection was lost. He flew down here to be with me for the weekend--a weekend that I felt nothing but love and joy--and told me days later that he just didn't feel it with me any longer. Okay, fine. But why did I?
I feel like that since Ty got into the bad car accident he has lost much of his independence and self control. He no longer had a car of his own or a license that he could use to drive any one elses'. He lost much mobility, gained weight, and felt shamed by a DUI and the restrictions it placed on his ability. He suddenly felt purposeless and shot down. And instead of inviting me into this struggle, he shut me out. Tyler felt like he couldn't take care of himself... so why take care of me. If he was able to control anything at that time, it was the status of our relationship and who I was to him. So, he broke it off with me.... "no connection" and somehow thought I didn't feel one too.
I loved the hell outta that kid that weekend. I loved him like crazy. No connection my ass.
Sometimes I feel like I love too hard. I love too strong. I love too much.
I thought, surely he will realize what he is missing out on.... but he hasn't. He just wants his stuff and wants it all to be behind him.
It's interesting that while he was independent he was able to successfully hold a girlfriend. But once he had to start losing his self control and gaining the help and support of others in order to live, he couldn't find that "connection" with his supposed love. I hardly understand this concept. And I wish he still loved me. I do. But not just when it's convenient for him.
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| | Posted 10/31/2009 1:07 AM - 5 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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